A Pilgrim's Journal

He took it, glanced at it briefly, then looked back at the gentleman with a confused look on his face. "What's this for?" he asked.

"It's for you! Use it!" said the gentleman, eyes twinkling with glee.

"What for?" the man asked again, even more perplexed.

"Because I want to give it, and because I'm sure you'll have some use for it!" exclaimed the gentleman again.

The man started shaking his head, "No, this is too much. I don't even know you. Who are you? Why would you give me $100 out of the blue? It doesn't feel right."

The gentleman merely beamed his smile back in return.

The man finally moved, handing the $100 bill back to the gentleman, shaking it a bit for emphasis, "Really, I can't take this. You'll have to take it back."

"It's too late!" said the gentleman, holding up both hands in the air. "I won't take it back. If you give it to me, I'll drop it on the ground."

"Well, surely you want something in return, and I can't afford that."

"Nothing! I don't want anything in return," said the gentleman, still smiling like he was fit to burst with joy.

"What if I spend it on booze?" the man asked.

"It's yours."

"What if I give it to the mob?"

"It's yours."

"What if I throw it away?"

"It's yours."

The man was stymied. Did this gentleman seriously not want it back? Was this truly a gift with no strings attached? So he asked, "How do I thank you?"

At this, the gentleman's smile seemed to brighten even more, and said, "Use it to your own best benefit."

The man furrowed his brow. "You mean I can just blow this on lottery tickets or something?"

"Of course, if you think that is to your best benefit."

The man shook his head, but slowly accepted that there were no strings, and that the $100 was his. "Well, thank you very much," he said quietly.

"You're welcome!" the gentleman said, and continued on his merry way.

The man stood there and pondered a while, going through a long list of possibilities in his head, considering where he might spend this windfall. In the end, he decided there was no better place to spend it but to buy school supplies and a coat for his son.

This is of course a fictitious story, but what would you do if you encountered a gentleman like that?

What if you insisted, and tried to put the $100 bill back into the pocket of his suit coat, but he just plucked it out, dropped it on the pavement, and kept on walking?

Do you realize that you are meeting this gentleman every day?

When I realized this just now, it was an amazing insight to me. God is giving me gifts like this every day, and there is no way I can give them back. He gives me air, light, health, skill, knowledge, wisdom, love, friends, family, even money. And there is no way I can return any of these gifts back to Him as if I didn't receive it.

I can waste it. Throw them on the ground and walk away. But they will remain wasted. God doesn't take them back.

	For the gifts and calling of God [are] without repentance.
	   Romans 11:29

What does this mean? It means that God has given me much, and the only way I can truly thank Him, and the only way I could even symbolically try to give anything back to Him is to use His gifts according to His will.

And what is His will?

	This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare
	unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
   
	   1 John 1:5
   
   
	17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother
	have need, and shutteth up his bowels [of compassion] from him,
	how dwelleth the love of God in him?
  
	18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue;
	but in deed and in truth.
  
	   1 John 3

Let us be gentlemen.

	The days of our years [are] threescore years and ten;
	and if by reason of strength [they be] fourscore years,
	yet [is] their strength labor and sorrow;
	for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.
	   Psalm 90:10

Generally, 70 years, but if unusually strong, 80 years.

Interestingly, when Moses was 40 years old, he tried to lead the Israelites in his own strength.

	23 And when he was full forty years old, it came into his heart
	to visit his brethren the children of Israel.
   
	24 And seeing one [of them] suffer wrong, he defended [him], and
	avenged him that was oppressed, and smote the Egyptian:
   
	25 for he supposed his brethren would have understood how that
	God by his hand would deliver them; but they understood not.
   
	   Acts 7

This didn't please Pharaoh, and he tried to kill Moses. Moses fled to Midian, and lived out the next 40 years there.

That makes 80 years that Moses lived, by reason of strength. By all earthly measures, his life was over.

But God is just getting started when our life ends.

At 80, Moses met God at the burning bush, and spent the next 40 years leading the children of Israel out of Egypt, in God's strength.

Can you imagine what a bloody revolution it would have been, had Moses gained popular support for rebellion? But instead, the Israelites walked right out of Egypt, carrying riches, not having to lift a finger in battle.

Man's way? Protracted bloody rebellion. God's way? Rest, obedience, and victory.

Jesus also calls us to the same thing. He calls us to pick up our cross daily and follow Him. He tells us that the man who finds his life will lose it, but the man who loses his life for Jesus's sake will find it.

God starts where my life ends.

When I read the New Testament, I see example after example of faith before healing. Usually it is the sick who have the faith. They confess that Jesus is able to perform the miracle, or the very act of picking up their mat shows that they believe enough to even start the process.

And then there are reports of places that Jesus would visit where He could do no great works. All he could do was lay His hands on a few sick people and heal them. And the reason was because they didn't believe Him.

So when it comes to the story of Lazarus, who had the faith for this work?

It wasn't the Jews, for they didn't understand why Jesus wept.

It probably wasn't the disciples, because they aren't even mentioned once they arrive to the site of mourning.

I'm guessing it wasn't even Mary, because she was weeping at the feet of Jesus.

I doubt it was Lazarus, since he was dead.

But it could have been Martha.

She even hints very strongly that even now, after Lazarus was dead, God would give to Jesus anything He asked for. She doesn't quite come out and ask for him back, but she sure hints! And strongly!

And she confesses Jesus as the Christ, as Lord, and as the Son of God.

Martha tends to get a bad rap in the Bible, working hard and complaining about Mary not helping her. But when it comes to Lazarus, maybe she was the only one with tiny faith enough to bring him back.

Jesus of course carries her along, even as her faith falters a bit in verse 39. But she believed enough to state the seemingly impossible.

Praise the Lord! It's as if God is looking for any reasonable excuse to do us good, even a sideways hint that Jesus should raise the dead.

	21 And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first
	   to go and bury my father.
 
	22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead
	   bury their dead.
 
	   Matthew 8

I confess that when I have read these verses in the past, I have thought that they are hard sayings. Yes, in my head I could understand. Jesus is worth more than social niceties. He is worth more than my own pet desires. He is worth more than my own family.

But my heart would be thinking, "Wow, that seems harsh. Doesn't Jesus, Who loves so much, care about those that lose loved ones?"

But maybe there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe this verse reveals something about my base assumptions about life. And even about Jesus.

Here's another verse that I may have misunderstood:

	35 Jesus wept.
	   John 11

This is in the middle of the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. When you read the whole chapter, you'll notice that Jesus is alone in not worrying in the slightest about Lazarus's health. For He knows what is to come. Those around Him are hoping for Lazarus's recovery (the disciples), or are wishing that Jesus had arrived sooner to heal him (Martha and Mary), or are weeping with and trying to comfort those that have lost a loved one (the Jews).

Jesus arrives on the scene, and starts asking some interesting questions:

	21 Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here,
	   my brother had not died.
 
	22 But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God,
	   God will give [it] thee.
 
	23 Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.
 
	24 Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in
	   the resurrection at the last day.
 
	25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life:
	   he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
 
	26 and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never
	   die. Believest thou this?
 
	27 She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the
	   Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.
 
	   John 11

Then Mary arrives, and basically says the same thing, wishing that Jesus had arrived sooner.

	32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell
	   down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here,
	   my brother had not died.
 
	33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping
	   which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,
 
	34 and said, Where have ye laid him? They say unto him, Lord,
	   come and see.
 
	35 Jesus wept.
 
	36 Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!
 
	37 And some of them said, Could not this man, which opened the
	   eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not
	   have died?
 
	   John 11

I have for a long time assumed the same thing that the Jews assumed. Wow! Look! Jesus is crying! He must have really loved Lazarus! Too bad He didn't get here earlier.

But I think Jesus wept for a different reason.

Here is the Resurrection and the Life, standing in the midst of a funeral, and everybody is weeping as if Lazarus was gone for good.

Logically, what is this saying? It implies that everyone else there (except perhaps Martha and the disciples) believed that while Jesus was great enough to heal the sick, and heal everyone He touched, that when it came to death itself, death was more powerful than Jesus.

Their weeping either testified to their belief that the Creator of the world was limited to its laws and to death itself, or that they didn't really believe that Jesus was the Creator of the world.

They were weeping because of the pain of Death, while Life stood right beside them.

I think that's why Jesus was weeping.

Is Matthew 8:22 making more sense yet?

I must be dim, because even after seeing John 11:35 more clearly, I still didn't get Matthew 8:22.

Then recently I was watching TV and happened to hear a snippet of a sermon by Joseph Prince, and he pointed out that nobody ever died around Jesus.

People were healed. Multiple people were even raised from the dead. But nobody ever died.

Even the men who were crucified with Him only died after Jesus did.

Now it started to make more sense. Indeed, it was the only logical thing to say. Why spend any more time following Death when Life is right in front of you? When Life calls you to follow Him, there's no time for anything else. Isn't it rather dumb to postpone Life in order attend to death? Why mourn over the dead when Life has work for you to do?

And Paul says the same thing:

	13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren,
	   concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as
	   others which have no hope.
 
	14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even
	   so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
 
	15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that
	   we which are alive [and] remain unto the coming of the Lord shall
	   not prevent them which are asleep.
 
	16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a
	   shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God:
	   and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
 
	17 then we which are alive [and] remain shall be caught up
	   together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air:
	   and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
 
	18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
 
	   1 Thess. 4

Here's Luke's version:

	59 And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord,
	   suffer me first to go and bury my father.
 
	60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go
	   thou and preach the kingdom of God.
 
	   Luke 9

So what are we supposed to do? Paul tells us that we are not supposed to sorrow like those who have no hope, because we are supposed to be the ones who believe! And with this belief we are to comfort one another when our loved ones die. For this is real hope and glorious hope.

And from what Jesus says, I believe that we are not to waste our time mourning the dead when we are alive, when we have the promise of life in Him, and when we have this message of hope which the dead need to hear.

Believing that Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life should energize us right now. We don't have to wait for the last day, like Martha thought.

The kingdom of God is a kingdom of life. Believe and enter!

This is an extra-biblical story about the Apostle John, as told by Clement of Alexandria (c. 150 to 215 A.D.) in his article "Who is the Rich Man That Shall Be Saved?."

This is the last section of the piece, and I find it so powerful that I'm moved to tears almost every time I read it.

And that you may be still more confident, that repenting thus truly there remains for you a sure hope of salvation, listen to a tale, which is not a tale but a narrative, handed down and committed to the custody of memory, about the Apostle John. For when, on the tyrant's death, he returned to Ephesus from the isle of Patmos, he went away, being invited, to the contiguous territories of the nations, here to appoint bishops, there to set in order whole Churches, there to ordain such as were marked out by the Spirit.

Having come to one of the cities not far off (the name of which some give ), and having put the brethren to rest in other matters, at last, looking to the bishop appointed, and seeing a youth, powerful in body, comely in appearance, and ardent, said, "This (youth) I commit to you in all earnestness, in the presence of the Church, and with Christ as witness." And on his accepting and promising all, he gave the same injunction and testimony. And he set out for Ephesus. And the presbyter taking home the youth committed to him, reared, kept, cherished, and finally baptized him. After this he relaxed his stricter care and guardianship, under the idea that the seal of the Lord he had set on him was a complete protection to him. But on his obtaining premature freedom, some youths of his age, idle, dissolute, and adepts in evil courses, corrupt him. First they entice him by many costly entertainments; then afterwards by night issuing forth for highway robbery, they take him along with them. Then they dared to execute together something greater. And he by degrees got accustomed; and from greatness of nature, when he had gone aside from the right path, and like a hard-mouthed and powerful horse, had taken the bit between his teeth, rushed with all the more force down into the depths. And having entirely despaired of salvation in God, he no longer meditated what was insignificant, but having perpetrated some great exploit, now that he was once lost, he made up his mind to a like fate with the rest. Taking them and forming a band of robbers, he was the prompt captain of the bandits, the fiercest, the bloodiest, the cruelest.

Time passed, and some necessity having emerged, they send again for John. He, when he had settled the other matters on account of which he came, said, "Come now, O bishop, restore to us the deposit which I and the Saviour committed to you in the face of the Church over which you preside, as witness." The other was at first confounded, thinking that it was a false charge about money which he did not get; and he could neither believe the allegation regarding what he had not, nor disbelieve John. But when he said "I demand the young man, and the soul of the brother," the old man, groaning deeply, and bursting into tears, said, "He is dead."

"How and what kind of death?"

"He is dead," he said, "to God. For he turned wicked and abandoned, and at last a robber; and now he has taken possession of the mountain in front of the church, along with a band like him."

Rending, therefore, his clothes, and striking his head with great lamentation, the apostle said, "It was a fine guard of a brother's soul I left! But let a horse be brought me, and let some one be my guide on the way." He rode away, just as he was, straight from the church.

On coming to the place, he is arrested by the robbers' outpost; neither fleeing nor entreating, but crying, "It was for this I came. Lead me to your captain;" who meanwhile was waiting, all armed as he was. But when he recognized John as he advanced, he turned, ashamed, to flight. The other followed with all his might, forgetting his age, crying, "Why, my son, do you flee from me, your father, unarmed, old? Son, pity me. Fear not; you have still hope of life. I will give account to Christ for you. If need be, I will willingly endure your death, as the Lord did death for us. For you I will surrender my life. Stand, believe; Christ has sent me."

And he, when he heard, first stood, looking down; then threw down his arms, then trembled and wept bitterly. And on the old man approaching, he embraced him, speaking for himself with lamentations as he could, and baptized a second time with tears, concealing only his right hand. The other pledging, and assuring him on oath that he would find forgiveness for himself from the Saviour, beseeching and falling on his knees, and kissing his right hand itself, as now purified by repentance, led him back to the church. Then by supplicating with copious prayers, and striving along with him in continual fastings, and subduing his mind by various utterances of words, did not depart, as they say, till he restored him to the Church, presenting in him a great example of true repentance and a great token of regeneration, a trophy of the resurrection for which we hope; when at the end of the world, the angels, radiant with joy, hymning and opening the heavens, shall receive into the celestial abodes those who truly repent; and before all, the Saviour Himself goes to meet them, welcoming them; holding forth the shadowless, ceaseless light; conducting them, to the Father's bosom, to eternal life, to the kingdom of heaven.

Let one believe these things, and the disciples of God, and God, who is surety, the Prophecies, the Gospels, the Apostolic words; living in accordance with them, and lending his ears, and practising the deeds, he shall at his decease see the end and demonstration of the truths taught. For he who in this world welcomes the angel of penitence will not repent at the time that he leaves the body, nor be ashamed when he sees the Saviour approaching in His glory and with His army. He fears not the fire.

But if one chooses to continue and to sin perpetually in pleasures, and values indulgence here above eternal life, and turns away from the Saviour, who gives forgiveness; let him no more blame either God, or riches, or his having fallen, but his own soul, which voluntarily perishes. But to him who directs his eye to salvation and desires it, and asks with boldness and vehemence for its bestowal, the good Father who is in heaven will give the true purification and the changeless life. To whom, by His Son Jesus Christ, the Lord of the living and dead, and by the Holy Spirit, be glory, honour, power, eternal majesty, both now and ever, from generation to generation, and from eternity to eternity. Amen.

That sounds like the love of God in action to me: chasing down a robber, unarmed, to bring him to repentance. And the timing of God. God knew that the youth's heart was ready, and sent the right messenger at the right time with the right words and the right heart.

I was impressed with what I read, and so I searched a bit more. Tonight I came across this speech given in 1990 on the topic of abortion and the church.

This is probably the most eye opening article I've read on this topic. It gets out of the usual ruts of rights and arguments and laws, and goes further to the heart of the matter. I can't claim to quite agree on all the fine points, but the large bulk of it does seem like truth to me, and plainly told. I found it challenging.

It's a long one, so you'll want to have spare time and maybe a coffee handy.