A Pilgrim's Journal

This is a fictionalized account of the story of Adam and Eve, written back in May 2010, as I imagine it might have happened based on various hints I've seen in the Bible and my own life experience. It is not scripture. This story is not complete without the footnotes at the end. If your copy does not contain the footnotes, visit foursquare.net/cdfrey/blog, under "fiction" for the full version. A PDF version can be found here.

How would it have started? I would think that opening your eyes for the very first time and staring into the face of God would be the best way to wake up ever. It wouldn't matter where you were, for the Creator had just breathed life into you.

Talk about new beginnings. Adam was likely fully formed when he was made, because shortly after coming into existence, there was a garden to take care of and to enjoy. Yet how much knowledge does one have when first formed? There was enough knowledge to communicate with God, and to listen to Him. He got to learn his grammar straight from the first Father.

Adam's first job was as a gardener. And it was an inherited position. He probably got to follow around beside his Father, watching Him plant the trees and create beauty right in full view. Every question Adam had about the trees and the garden would have been answered. I'm sure that his Father didn't just tell him how to manage the garden, but He showed him, too. If there was digging to be done, God would have done it first. If there was a tree that needed watering, God would have shown Adam how.

The laughter and happiness would echo through the newly growing trees as Father and son worked together, and enjoyed the fruits of their labour.

Some trees would have edible fruit. Some not. But wow! The way the trees were arranged, and the way the sun would shine through the leaves, was just perfect. And as the sun started to set, and the heat subsided, Father and son would chat and eat some of the fruit they worked for that day. And Adam would learn. Ask questions. Like a little kid in a grown body: fascinated by everything his Father would show him and teach him and give him.

Eventually Adam was capable of running the garden on his own. At least mostly. There was always some new challenge, or some new plant to discover. And even if God was not walking visibly right beside him, Adam knew all he had to do was call out, and He'd be there. Adam tried to be faithful with the garden. He loved to see the pleasure in his Father's eyes at a job well done. Sometimes he would save his questions for the evening, when his Father would come to walk in the garden in the cool of the day.

As time went by, Adam got pretty good at gardening, if he did say so himself. He got into a routine. He had memorized the flavours of most of the trees in the garden. Some had knock-out bursts of flavour, and some were subtle hints of sweetness that would linger in your memory all day as you worked. But there was one tree that was special. Each time he ate some fruit off that tree, it would be like a boost of energy, as if he had been reborn. Each bite would send life and vitality coursing through his veins. His Father called it the Tree of Life.

There was another tree in the garden, though. It was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This one scared him a bit. His Father warned him -- no, He told him in the strongest language possible -- that if he ate any fruit off that tree, he would surely die. As much as life would course through his veins when he ate of the Tree of Life, Adam didn't want to feel what death would be like.

Whenever Adam would need to tend to that tree, he would use special precautions. If a cluster of ripe fruit would fall from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and land on the ground underneath, Adam would diligently store it in a basket close by, so that there would be no danger of accidentally mixing up the fruits and eating some by mistake. He was always very careful when handling it, and would breathe a sigh of relief when that part of his job was done.

But other than that, life was wonderful. All his work was quite easy, his body was strong for every task he had to do. If ever he fell and scratched himself, his Father would mend it right away, either directly or with a plant specially made for healing. Adam knew all the healing plants by now, and hardly ever had to bother his Father for such things anymore. There were always new questions to ask, anyway. Why waste time on things he already knew?

One day his Father arrived even earlier than usual. There was excitement in the air. By now Adam was a gardening expert, and knew almost everything he needed to know about maintaining it. If he was honest with himself (and Adam was always honest with himself, and his Father), he was starting to wonder what he might do next. How would he occupy his time? Was gardening all there was? It was great fun, but something seemed lacking.

As usual, just before Adam had a chance to get bored, his Father arrived with a brand new project. Animals! His job was to examine each one, name it, and determine whether it was suitable as a companion. Standing on the top of a hill with his Father, he could see thousands of unique animals on the plain. As far as the eye could see. There would be no chance of getting bored with a project like this!

Of course, his Father helped him get started. Like He always did. He would guide Adam through the interview process, talk to each animal, discuss its likes and dislikes, ask it about its habits and instincts and nature, and so on. His Father also taught him what to look for in a companion. What should he look for, really? This was all new to Adam, and the idea of a companion was pretty exciting. With each animal processed, new knowledge of mating and characteristics and personality and form and function was gained.

Some days got a little long, but a quick trip to the Tree of Life would solve that. There were always new surprises. Like when he had to name the Skunk. You had to have a sense of humour in this job.

But there were days that were awe inspiring too. Like his lengthy conversation with the Donkey. The Donkey seemed like such a humble animal, but there was a confidence in him that God would use him for great things in the future. It was almost as if the Donkey knew something he wasn't letting on... something that might have been revealed to him that nobody else saw. And it filled the Donkey with joy and patience for his role in the world.

Such confidence was inspiring to Adam. But he felt that he didn't fully understand it yet. And that feeling motivated him to keep on with his task.

But there was another reason that motivated him. Each night as he lay on the grass under the stars, he would remember what his Father told him. That the purpose of this project was to find a companion for him. Someone suitable for him, that would match him, and help him. And the more that he learned from his experience with the animals, and the more he saw their joy with their companions, the more he longed for a companion of his own, and realized how good his Father was to him, for knowing what he needed before he even realized it was a possibility.

The project rolled on for what must have been, oh, maybe 10 moons or more. He was getting to the end, though! He could see the end of the line of animals as they queued in the plains for him, chatting amongst themselves and eating the fruit of the garden.

One day, his Father arrived early again, to tell him that this project had to be completed that day. Adam was a bit surprised, but with diligence and effort, he knew the remaining queue could be finished. And with that his Father went back to His business, and Adam pressed on, now with a deadline to meet.

The closer he got to the end of the line, the more concerned he got. He knew that his Father was taking care of everything, but after all these thousands of animals, he had not found one that was suitable for a mate. Had he been too harsh? Had he followed the rules too closely? Had he overlooked something? There was still hope. There were only ten more to go.

But once the last animal was interviewed and named, Adam knew that he had not found his mate. It was hard not to be a little disappointed. He thought back to all the work he had done, and he was sure that he had followed his Father's guidance perfectly. And yet, here he was without a mate. Without a companion. Without that joy that he saw in all the other animals.

When his Father came around in the cool of the day, Adam blurted out all his concerns. He confessed that he did not find the mate that he was supposed to be looking for, and he asked his Father: had he failed somehow? Where did he go wrong?

But his Father just smiled and calmed him down, and told him to relax, to trust Him, and to sleep, for it had been a long day. And Adam obeyed, greatly reassured that he had not let his Father down.

When he opened his eyes this time, though, things were a whole lot different. This time, there were two faces looking at him!

What he saw was the most beautiful animal he had ever seen. How could he have missed this one?? He stared in shock, looking in a happy daze between the two happy faces.

Then his Father explained it all to him. There was no companion found, because there was no companion yet. His Father had made a companion for him, specifically for him, out of the very bone of his own body, to match him perfectly, and meet all the requirements for a mate that Adam had learned about during the project.

This was Woman. She was Eve.

The days after that were exquisite. If he thought he was in paradise before, it was nothing compared to now. He could talk to Eve about anything, and she was as happy and thrilled to be there as he was. They would spend hours staring at each other. Adam would tell her of his adventures with his Father, and of the hundreds of funny stories that happened during the animal naming project.

And everyday Adam would learn something new about Eve that delighted him to the core. At the cool of the day, he would go running to his Father to tell him of the wonderful new things he had discovered about Eve. Thanksgiving and joy and worship would flow out of Adam like a fresh spring, new every moment. He couldn't imagine how he could be any happier.

And Eve was the same. She would listen in awe at the stories Adam would share, and she would learn eagerly from Adam's experiences. And she would tell God everything she learned, always close to Adam, always there to help him, always ready to help him learn something new.

For the first year or so, the garden seemed to take care of itself. Which was a good thing, because Adam was too busy learning about his new wife, and teaching her all that his Father had taught him. He told her of the healing plants, and the methods for keeping the garden in order. And she would ask questions that he never thought of, and would find insight in old lessons that he never saw before.

When it came to the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, Adam was especially careful. He strenuously told Eve that this was the gateway to death, and the loss of all the goodness they were enjoying. He told her to stay away from that tree, and not even touch the fruit. Just let him deal with it. He would protect her and he didn't want anything bad to happen to her. She readily agreed, and smiled up at him trustingly.

The times spent alone with Eve were the best. Whenever she was around, the garden seemed to light up to ten times its normal brightness. He knew he was never alone with his Father always close by, but somehow the intimacy with Eve made his Father appear even more generous and good to him. He saw the relationship that he had between himself and his Father, and saw that same kind of relationship between himself and Eve, only this time he was the one giving! It filled him with awe and courage and a solemn state of mind, to never do anything to disrupt these relationships he had on both sides. He determined to treat Eve as well as God treated him.

As the years went by, every inch of Eve captivated him. Her hair was beautiful in every light. Her smile would send shivers of delight through his soul. Her voice was like laughter and music and a carress all in one. And whether he looked at her from across the garden or from within his arms, every curve and dimple in her body proclaimed to all that she was the jewel in this garden, and that she was all his.

But it wasn't just her body that melded their souls together. It was her mind, her heart, her own soul. It was her thoughts, and her compassion, and her true honest love for him. It was their joyful worship of God together, when they sang His praises each morning by the Tree of Life. It was the look in her eyes as they sat on the grass, listening to his Father teach them. Adam would sometimes glance over to make sure she was ok, to make sure she understood, and was always reassured by her clear joy at the Father's words.

And it was the playful times that also wove them together. The jokes and the laughter and the teasing. Playing tag and running from tree to tree until they were panting and laughing so hard they had to collapse in the clover until they caught their breath.

It was all this that made her one with him.

That's why the choice was so hard.

He wasn't sure how it happened, but one day, after gathering some grapes for winemaking, he looked up, and saw Eve standing by the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil with the Serpent. A chill ran down his spine.

She was holding the fruit.

And then he saw her take a bite.

Panic ripped through him. His Father told him that they would surely die if they ate that fruit. He waited for a second. Two seconds. Ten seconds. She didn't fall over. She didn't disappear.

Then she turned around, and his heart broke.

He saw her running toward him, with that same joy and eagerness. That urgency to share everything with him. But it was a shadow of what was there before. She didn't realize it, but she had been tricked.

His beautiful Eve. Tricked into eating the forbidden fruit. He could see the effect on her already. He could feel the distance between them. He could feel the bonds between their souls tearing. And he could see the urgency in her eyes, and the growing panic in her face as she saw the tears brimming in his eyes.

She told him everything that the Serpent had said to her. How the Serpent had pushed her against the tree to prove that she would not die just from touching it. Adam groaned in his soul. He had wanted to protect her, and now that extra precaution had been used against his beloved.

She told him that the Serpent told her that the fruit was supposed to make them wise, like God Himself. She told him she was already seeing new things, and held the fruit out to him, hopefully. Almost desperately.

What should he do? Should he obey his Father, who had never lied to him? Or should he join his wife, who had never wanted anything but the best for him? She didn't understand that she had been deceived. But he saw it. He saw it as clear as day. Anger burned in him. How dare the Serpent meddle between him and his wife! How dare he trick such an innocent being into sin and death!

Adam's heart bled. How could he forsake his only companion? How could he leave her to die, alone? How could he sever the bonds of love that had formed so strongly over the years? His Father had never forsaken him. How could he forsake his wife?

Adam didn't know how to fix this. His Father had not told him how. There had never been any hint that there was a way to fix it. But now, faced with the loss of his wife, and the increasing pain in her eyes, and the desperation in her look, he stumbled, and forgot who his Father was.

Hadn't his Father always supplied his every need? Hadn't his Father known his needs before he did himself? Hadn't his Father been gentle and merciful and kind in every way imaginable? Hadn't his Father created everything around him? Surely his Father could fix this.

But he forgot it in his moment of crisis. And with full knowledge that he was crossing from life to death, Adam took the fruit, and ate it.

Footnotes:

1. Apology - I realize I am treading on very dangerous ground with this story, because, if you look at it from a certain perspective, I might be pretending to add to the Bible. But this is not my intention, and I both encourage the reader to read his own Bible for himself, and beg the reader's forgiveness for planting ideas that may not be scriptural. I have written these footnotes in an attempt to encourage more Bible study, and to explain why I wrote the story the way I did. I suspect this is somewhat like John Bunyan's dilemma with the book Pilgrim's Progress but at least he did not embellish an actual Bible story, but wrote his own story based on Biblical truths.

But like John Bunyan pointed out, Jesus used parables to teach as well. And sometimes a personalized fiction can help drive home the truth, like when the prophet Nathan confronted David after his adultery with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12). May you read this story with caution, like a flawed parable that requires care, yet may inspire new questions to study.

This story is not scripture, but let it point you toward scripture.

I had the idea for this story a while back, when going through some personal struggles of my own. I started to sympathize with the choice that Adam had to make, which was greater, more difficult, and had greater consequences than any I have had to make. I do not envy Adam, but may God have mercy on him. Jesus says that offenses must come, but woe to the man through whom they come. (Matthew 18:7) I suspect Adam's sin might count as an offense. Thank God for Jesus as the second Adam! (Romans 5)

And finally, there has been at least one other critically acclaimed re-telling of the story of Adam and Eve by Jonathan Goldstein. It is my hope that this story shows that there are plenty of hints already in the Bible for how the story of Adam and Eve may have unfolded. There is no need to cast Adam as a simpleton.

2. Order of creation - It was unclear to me in Genesis 2 whether the garden was created first, and then Adam, or whether Adam was created first and then the garden. It is clear that Adam was to tend to the garden, and therefore would have needed some instruction on how to do it.

I don't know if the garden was planted and Adam got to watch everything grow over time, or whether it was created before his very eyes in a flash, or perhaps prepared before Adam even got there. Considering how strict God was with the Israelites who had witnessed his awesome terror on Mount Sinai when He gave the 10 Commandments (Deut 5:23-33; Numbers 15:32), I don't know how much power God showed Adam. Perhaps the less power God showed, the more merciful God could be later on.

3. God digging in the garden - I did not think this was too much of a stretch. Jesus is our example, and He washed the diciples feet (John 13). God does not expect more of us than He does of Himself. He shows us how to live, by giving the Law, and then rescues us from death by fulfilling it for us.

4. The stretched time frame - Some may be surprised that I stretched the "6th day" of creation into months and even years. This is because, when reading Genesis chapter 1, I notice that the sun was created on the 4th day, after the first day when light was created, and even after the 3rd day when plants were created. Also, each of the 6 days have an evening and a morning, and the first 3 days have this without the sun. Then the 7th day has no specific evening or morning. So I can't be dogmatic that the 6 days of creation were 24 hour days, and I suspect that they were not. I know God can create everything in six 24 hour days, but He doesn't have to.

5. God eating the fruit of the garden - This is just a guess, but Jesus ate food. If God can be walking in the garden in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8), presumably literally, then surely He could eat too. But the Bible does not say one way or the other.

6. Like a little kid in a grown body - Jesus says that the kingdom of heaven belongs to those like little children. (Matt. 19:13-15) How do children approach their parents? They ask questions constantly, they assume parents will have the answers, they assume their parents will take care of them and meet their every need, and they love and accept with innocence. God obviously expects us to behave the same way with Him.

7. Saving his questions for the cool of the day - The way Genesis explains it, it sounds like God was not always in the garden at every moment, watching over Adam and Eve, in person, like a hawk. God knew what was happening, of course, but Adam and Eve seem to have "time alone." So it makes sense that questions would be saved for when God would arrive.

8. Eating of the Tree of Life - I think this is a safe assumption. They could eat of every tree in the garden, but one. If they spent more than 24 hours in the garden, then surely the Tree of Life was one of the meals. After eating the forbidden fruit, only then was the Tree of Life guarded and blocked. The Tree of Life shows up again in Revelation 22:2, where even the leaves are for the healing of the nations, and new fruit appears every month. It seems to me to be a tree to eat of regularly.

9. All his work was quite easy - Jesus says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30) And it was only after Adam's sin that the ground was cursed and "painful toil" was introduced. (Genesis 3:17)

10. Healing plants - The Tree of Life in Revelation 22:2 already talks about healing, but we also know of plants today that help heal. I believe that God wants us to gain knowledge and grow and be able to help ourselves, not to be continually helpless. There is a theme of growth throughout the entire Bible. This does not mean that we are supposed to do everything in our own strength though. The Sabbath law shows us that to "keep it holy" we need to avoid doing our own work. What is left? God's work. Somehow there is a balance of us doing good in Him, not in ourselves.

11. Adam being honest with himself and God - Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. (John 14:6). The devil's native language is lying. (John 8:44) Truth is of God, and to live in God, in His Way, means to live in Truth.

Imagine what it will be like in heaven when you never have to worry about someone lying to you. Everything you ever hear will be the truth. What a different world that would be.

12. Animal interview process - This was just made up. I see how God works in our lives, and see how often seemingly unrelated things turn out to be preparation for something bigger later on. This idea is the only basis for this part of the story. The Bible doesn't tell us much except that Adam named them, and that God brought the animals to Adam. Maybe God was creating them at the same time as Adam was naming them. The "forming" and the "naming" are in the same verse: Genesis 2:19. But perhaps this was like Noah, and the animals had to be gathered by some effort... it was Noah's job!

Short summary: don't take this part of the story too seriously

13. Talking animals - This is based on the talking serpent in Genesis 3, and the talking donkey in the story of Balaam in Numbers 22. Also, there is a change in man's eating habits after the flood. Before the flood, mankind was vegetarian. After the flood, "everything that lives and moves" (Genesis 9:3) was given by God to man for food. And the animals now feared and dreaded man. (Genesis 9)

This suggests some kind of change in the animals at the flood, and also suggests that animals were much more friendly and trusting before the flood. Which explains how Noah could get them all into the ark.

Also, in Genesis 11, the story of the tower of Babel is told, and how God confused the languages of men. If God confused the language of men, is it beyond possibility to think He could confuse the communication between man and animal?

With two examples of talking animals in the Bible, and this change in the status of animals, and some of the scientific studies I've heard about regarding animal communication today, I would not be surprised if animals could talk originally. But I must stress that this is only conjecture, based on the above information.

14. Learning about relationships from watching animals - This is based on the verses in Romans (1:20) how mankind is without excuse because of nature's testimony about God. If nature is supposed to point us toward God, then it does not seem far-fetched to find other truths in nature as well.

But always compare the "truths" you think you find in nature with the Bible, to make sure you are not deceiving yourself. No sense trying to learn lessons the hard way when there's a book right in front of us.

15. The Donkey's confidence - This was a fanciful extra based on the story of Balaam (Numbers 22), the story of Samson (Judges 15), and Jesus's triumphal entry to Jerusalem (Matthew 21:5). Also, the tradition is that a donkey was with Mary and Joseph in their travels, but I can't find a verse that says that.

Also, there is no verse that says the donkey had any knowledge of what was to come. It was just a way to point out that even humble animals have a plan from God.

16. The sudden deadline - It did seem uncharacteristic of God to impose a sudden deadline on Adam to finish the work of naming the animals, but the Bible does say that God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. (Genesis 2:21) What better way than through hard work? But this is again a guess, and part of the fiction.

But God does set deadlines sometimes, even though He is patient. He tells us that "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." (Hebrews 3:15). Also, there was some pretty definite direction from God, through dreams, to Joseph, when he was supposed to move to Egypt and back. (Matthew 2) And when Israel missed God's deadline of entering the promised land, through unbelief, they had to wander for 40 years.

17. God being Adam's Father - This is from Luke 3:38 where Adam is referred to as the "son of God" at the end of the geneology.

18. Description of the "lovebirds" Adam and Eve - This is based on the New Testament guidance of family order in various places, where the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and the wife is to submit to her husband. And how in 1 Corinthians 11:9 it says that man was not created for woman, but woman for man, and how because of that, the woman needs a sign of authority on her head.

So I tried to frame the story in such a way that it showed how Adam needed to teach Eve, since she came after. And how Eve would be submissive to Adam, especially in the presense of God, but that there would be nothing coming between her and God either. Adam was not her priest. He was only her head. And Adam cared for her in love. And how Eve, as the ideal wife, was a helpmeet for Adam, even helping him learn things that were beyond him before she arrived. I believe being a helpmeet is more than just physical labour, it is everything about the intimate relationship. The honesty, the comfort, the companionship. It is the wife unlocking the potential of the man, and vice versa.

19. Adam telling his Father all about Eve - Perhaps similar to how the disciples reported to Jesus everything they had done on their mission in Mark 6:30. I think God definitely wants us to tell Him everything on our hearts, just like little children.

20. Garden taking care of itself for the first year - This is based on the Old Testament law that said that a newlywed husband did not have to go to battle for a whole year. (Deut 24:5)

21. "every inch of Eve captivated him" - This is from Proverbs 5:19 where the Bible tells man to be captivated by his wife's love, not by any other woman.

22. Eve being the jewel in the garden - In Genesis 6:4, there is a puzzling passage about the "sons of God" having children by the "daughters of men" and that the "daughters of men" were beautiful (6:2). It is unclear whether "sons of God" refers to spirits or to godly men who were drawn away from God by beautiful women. But the idea that women were beautiful is an obvious fact today, and it does not seem to be a stretch that Eve was the jewel of the Garden of Eden. She was certainly Adam's jewel.

23. Adam telling Eve not to touch the fruit - This is based on Eve's own words in Genesis 3:3 where she both adds the "not touch" command and lessens the "surely die" part. I don't know if this was changed by Eve herself, or whether Adam told her that. If I were in Adam's shoes, I could easily see myself trying to put a hedge around Eve to protect her. But this is not stated in the Bible explicitly.

24. The serpent pushing Eve against the tree - This comes from Jewish tradition, speculating that, since Eve changed God's command in her quoting it, it gave the serpent an opportunity to twist the words, or push her against the tree to prove she wouldn't die.

This is not mentioned in the Bible though.

25. Was Adam beside Eve or not? - Genesis 3:6 says that Adam was with Eve. I don't know if that means right beside her, or in close proximity. Also, the Bible does not mention any pleading or arguing between Eve and Adam, so my story certainly adds there. From the Biblical account, Adam did not need any convincing to eat the fruit!

26. Adam eating in full knowledge, while Eve was only deceived - Eve's part of being deceived is confirmed in the New Testament in 1 Timothy 2:14. It was definitely sin, just as Adam's eating was definitely sin too. But there was an element of deception for Eve, that Adam can't seem to claim. And there is an element of relationship for Adam, that Eve can't seem to claim either. Eve was not married to the serpent.

27. Winemaking - There is no evidence they knew how to make wine at that point. But squeezing some of the fruit would be logical to try...

28. When did Eve know she had been deceived? - She uses it as an excuse pretty quick. So it must have been soon. Perhaps I'm retaining her innocence in the story a bit too long, when I wrote that she didn't know she had been tricked. It was still sin, she knew the command, even though her memory of it was flawed. Yet she broke the command anyway.

29. Surely his Father could fix this... - And God did fix this through the second Adam: Jesus Christ. I sometimes wonder how God would have saved Eve if Adam had refused to sin. Perhaps Adam would have had to die for her instead. But as 1 Corinthians 1:28-30 says, no one may boast before God. All men and women are guilty of sin. Only God can save us. Only God can make us holy to enter into his Sabbath rest.

All scripture quotes taken from the NIV.

He took it, glanced at it briefly, then looked back at the gentleman with a confused look on his face. "What's this for?" he asked.

"It's for you! Use it!" said the gentleman, eyes twinkling with glee.

"What for?" the man asked again, even more perplexed.

"Because I want to give it, and because I'm sure you'll have some use for it!" exclaimed the gentleman again.

The man started shaking his head, "No, this is too much. I don't even know you. Who are you? Why would you give me $100 out of the blue? It doesn't feel right."

The gentleman merely beamed his smile back in return.

The man finally moved, handing the $100 bill back to the gentleman, shaking it a bit for emphasis, "Really, I can't take this. You'll have to take it back."

"It's too late!" said the gentleman, holding up both hands in the air. "I won't take it back. If you give it to me, I'll drop it on the ground."

"Well, surely you want something in return, and I can't afford that."

"Nothing! I don't want anything in return," said the gentleman, still smiling like he was fit to burst with joy.

"What if I spend it on booze?" the man asked.

"It's yours."

"What if I give it to the mob?"

"It's yours."

"What if I throw it away?"

"It's yours."

The man was stymied. Did this gentleman seriously not want it back? Was this truly a gift with no strings attached? So he asked, "How do I thank you?"

At this, the gentleman's smile seemed to brighten even more, and said, "Use it to your own best benefit."

The man furrowed his brow. "You mean I can just blow this on lottery tickets or something?"

"Of course, if you think that is to your best benefit."

The man shook his head, but slowly accepted that there were no strings, and that the $100 was his. "Well, thank you very much," he said quietly.

"You're welcome!" the gentleman said, and continued on his merry way.

The man stood there and pondered a while, going through a long list of possibilities in his head, considering where he might spend this windfall. In the end, he decided there was no better place to spend it but to buy school supplies and a coat for his son.

This is of course a fictitious story, but what would you do if you encountered a gentleman like that?

What if you insisted, and tried to put the $100 bill back into the pocket of his suit coat, but he just plucked it out, dropped it on the pavement, and kept on walking?

Do you realize that you are meeting this gentleman every day?

When I realized this just now, it was an amazing insight to me. God is giving me gifts like this every day, and there is no way I can give them back. He gives me air, light, health, skill, knowledge, wisdom, love, friends, family, even money. And there is no way I can return any of these gifts back to Him as if I didn't receive it.

I can waste it. Throw them on the ground and walk away. But they will remain wasted. God doesn't take them back.

	For the gifts and calling of God [are] without repentance.
	   Romans 11:29

What does this mean? It means that God has given me much, and the only way I can truly thank Him, and the only way I could even symbolically try to give anything back to Him is to use His gifts according to His will.

And what is His will?

	This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare
	unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
   
	   1 John 1:5
   
   
	17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother
	have need, and shutteth up his bowels [of compassion] from him,
	how dwelleth the love of God in him?
  
	18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue;
	but in deed and in truth.
  
	   1 John 3

Let us be gentlemen.

She walked over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk. Yawning, she walked toward the bathroom, dropping clothes along the way, grabbed her nightgown from the hook on the back of the door and began to brush her teeth. Tooth brushing was a ritual she never forgot.

She flicked off the lights and smiled as she saw her bed. Ahh, old friend! She collapsed face-first into the soft mattress, flicked off the bedstand lamp, set her alarm for the morning, and snuggled down for a well-earned sleep.

Susan opened her eyes in a dream world. It was a beautiful sunny day, and she was walking along in a circus. There was a path marked out and she was on it, strolling along peacefully as the wind blew through her blond hair. The sun was warming her skin. She felt alive and happy.

As she walked along the path, she noticed there were guard rails along the side. Nothing too sturdy. More like those fluffy line-up guards that you queue in when you go to the theatre. There was lots of excitement on all sides, and there was no opening along the path, so she relaxed and strolled along, watching the others have fun as she enjoyed the day.

The path took a turn and led up to a large white building with a single door in the wall facing her. The rope guards led stright up to the door and were embedded in the wall. It was as if she was meant to go through the door.

She walked up to the door, which had a sign on it that read, "The Husband Machine." How puzzling! How very exciting! Susan knew she wanted to get married someday, but had not yet found the right man. All the men she had known so far had been insufficient in some way. Perhaps it would be fun to try this machine and see what options came out the other side!

She opened the door and stepped in. There were lots of curtains hanging around, and very dim at first. It took a while for her eyes to adjust to the lower light levels. She groped about and found a path through the thick curtains. There were two massively heavy curtains in front of her, but there was an opening where they met. Susan pushed her way through.

She found herself on an old wooden theatre stage. The lights were on and shining on her (not so brightly that she couldn't see the auditorium), and a podium was in the middle of the stage. The curtains closed behind her. There was nobody in the theatre. Rows and rows of seats were before her, all with nice, plush red backs. It was as if the entire place was setup for an audition, and she was on stage!

There was something odd about this auditorium, though. While there were no people in the seats, there were old TV sets and old speakers wedged in the chairs. Some of the speakers were large. Some quite small. One of them even had a red light on the top, although it wasn't turned on.

In addition, it looked like the theatre had just been vacated, with spilled popcorn in the aisles, and old cups in the chair holders.

Susan stepped up to the podium. Instead of a flat surface to place notes, there were lots of dials and controls. As she stepped close to the podium, there was a click in the floor, as if she had stepped on a switch.

Immediately the screens and the speakers came to life. Some of the TV sets were tuned to local news. Some speakers had music playing. Some of them had voices of men speaking, some loudly, some even louder. The speaker with the little red light on top did not make any sound, but the light flashed slowly.

What a cacophony! The sounds blurred together and made her head throb. The TV sets were glaring brightly at her. The speakers were slowly gaining volume, as if trying to gain her attention. She could barely make out the words of anything.

She held her hands over her ears. What a mess! This was too much. She turned back to leave, but found that instead of the curtains, there was a large screen behind her with no doors. On the screen played a fast action square dance, with an instructor teaching the steps.

Susan remembered the podium. The noise was starting to give her a headache. Maybe the podium would let her control this stuff. She walked over and started turning dials. The dials were individual volume controls for each of the speakers and TV's. She turned them all off.

Whew!

With that out of the way, she started to analyze the situation. She turned up one of the speakers, and the voice playing through it said, "Let out your inner actor! Perform a play of your choosing! You're on the stage anyway!" She turned it off.

She turned up a TV set. An announcer was droning on about world events and how politicians were reacting and how some people were protesting and how the markets were failing and how.... She turned that off too.

She searched through the dials, but couldn't find the one for the speaker with the little red flashing light. Finally she pressed the red button. Maybe there was a connection?

The speaker with the little red light crackled to life, and the voice said softly, "The theatre is going to be needed soon, and it's a mess. Please clean it up for me, and then help yourself to some refreshments at the back."

Susan snorted. Yeah, right. She came to the circus to do housework at a theatre? She turned up a different dial.

The new speaker said, "Let out your inner artist! Unplug the screen at the side, and use the paint to paint a mural!"

This sounded like fun. Susan had taken a few art classes in college, and she wasn't half bad. She unplugged the big screen and the square dancing mercifully disappeared. The screen was nice and big and white, and would make a perfect canvas. She knew in the back of her mind that they were expensive, and it might damage the theatre. But hey, the speakers were offering it right? And the paint was right there.

So she picked up some brushes and started painting. It took her a good two hours, but when she was finished, it was a work of art. A beautiful country scene, with cows in a pasture, a rippling brook, a bridge, and a couple kissing on the bridge. It was her best work yet.

She stood back and smiled to herself, looking over the painting. The next visitor to this carnival ride would be impressed!

She turned back to the podium and wondered if there was any entertainment. She was tired after all that creative effort. She could use a break. As she looked out over the auditorium seats, the little red light on the small speaker was flashing faster now.

Hmmm.... that was odd. Susan pressed the red button again.

The speaker crackled to life once again, and the voice said, "We're really going to need that screen for a movie later tonight. Please use the paint thinner on the side to remove the mural, and then clean up the aisles. When you're finished, you can help yourself to the refreshments at the back."

Susan shuddered. This sounded way too sensible and logical, but she couldn't bear to wreck her beautiful mural. Besides, she was exhausted and needed a rest now. Maybe she could clean it up a little later. She did feel somewhat guilty for damaging the screen, but she didn't feel she had to be janitor yet too....

She turned up the volume on a TV showing music videos. Some rock music was blaring, some guy singing, "smash it up." She chuckled, and figured that would do, while she checked out this much-talked-about refreshment stand.

She hummed along to the music, "...don't wanna be a sucker like all the rest..." as she ambled up the auditorium aisles to the back of the theatre. The seats were on an incline, and every seat in the building could see the stage perfectly.

She poured herself a soda, rummaged in the concession stand for a chocolate bar, and picked one of the empty seats. Munching on her chocolate bar, she admired her beautiful mural scene. She could probably sell that, if she could take that screen along with her. Too bad it was stuck in some dive of a theatre. Oh well, them's the breaks.

She tilted her head back and snoozed a bit....

She lifted her head from off the headrest on the theatre chair and heard an odd beeping noise. It was that little speaker with the red light. Now it was beeping!

She left her chocolate bar wrapper on the seat next to her and sprinted down the aisle to the podium. Once she returned to the stage, she could see that the speaker with the little red light was blinking furiously. Almost like a red alert. The beeping had stopped, though.

She wondered how long she'd been snoozing. Maybe the circus grounds were about to close. She took one more glance back at the mural and knew she probably wouldn't have time to clean it up anymore.

She reached to press the red button, but her arm caught against a different dial, and another voice blared out of the booming speaker at the back, saying, "Hey! Save some time and throw those two buckets of white paint on the screen! At least it will be white again for the movie later!"

Hey! Maybe that would work. She really had to be getting back home soon, and she didn't want to waste too much time cleaning this crummy theatre. Plus, what if she only got half way through? Then it would look even worse, no?

She hurried to the side of the stage, found the cans of paint, opened them, and heaved each one sideways at the screen. The screen wobbled and started to swing from the impact of each splash of paint, but soon the screen was white again.

The only problem was that the stage appeared to be tilted, and now the paint was running down the floorboards toward the stage lights. Doh! She looked for something to mop up the paint with, but couldn't find anything but a clean piece of curtain. It was better than nothing. She unfolded the curtain and started to mop up the paint with her shoe on the back of the curtain.

After maybe half an hour, she had stanched the flow of paint, but the curtain was ruined. She didn't know what to do now. But at least the mural was gone.

She heard one more beep. It was that small speaker with the red light, now flashing about as fast as could be, almost looking like a solid light.

She reluctantly pressed the red button.

The little speaker crackled to life again, and the voice said, "You're almost out of time, but if you clean up the popcorn in the aisles, and then use the phone in the concession stand to report the damage you've done to the police, there may be still hope! Please hurry!"

A feeling of dread filled Susan. The police! She hadn't thought of that. She couldn't go to jail, could she? She couldn't! She wouldn't! There had to be a way to avoid that. She ran to the back of the theatre, but could not find any doors. She ran back to the stage, but in order to get out the other door she would have to squeeze past the screen, and she might tear it.

She couldn't wait. There wasn't enough time. She had to get out of this crazy place. She thought thin thoughts and tried to squeeze herself past the screen without ripping it. Yes. Almost. This might work! She was clear! Just one leg to go! In her excitement, she caught her foot on the screen, and heard the tell-tale ripping sound.

Crap! Susan fled to the back, pushing her way through the maze of thick curtains, trying to find that path she used when she came in. With great effort, and after getting turned around a bit in the dark a few times, she found the door.

She gripped the doorknob and burst outside into the sunshine.

The roped off path was gone. Instead, before her stood three men.

To the left was a man from the streets, with torn jeans and a shopping cart containing his worldy possessions. He grinned at her lecherously with a toothless effort, licking his chapped lips. He was holding a microphone.

To the right was a man in a white tuxedo, very handsome, with a sad look on his face. He was also holding a microphone.

In the middle was an elderly man, with his hand on the handsome man's shoulder.

The elderly man spoke. The voice sounded familiar. "It looks like your time is up. While you were in the theatre, you had a number of choices over what you would do. Most of the speakers and TVs were controlled by this man here." He gestured to the street man. "He was free to give you any suggestions he wanted. The speaker with the little red light was controlled by my son. He only spoke when you pressed the red button, inviting him to.

"Each man was given the opportunity to convince you to obey him. The man that you obeyed last would be your husband.

"I am the owner of this theatre, indeed, the owner of the entire park grounds. But it is time to pass it on to my son. He and his wife will run it for years, and enjoy the substantial profits made from it.

"The requests that you heard from my son probably sounded a bit demanding, especially for a stranger. But if you had known that the entire theatre would have been yours (including, in fact, the entire park grounds), perhaps the requests to maintain it would not have been so burdensome."

Susan felt a hand on her arm. It was the street man. He gleefully said, with a raspy voice, "Come with me... I'll show you what you've won!" He laughed.

Susan sat straight up in bed with a start, heart pounding in her chest. What a dream! It was a dream right? Yes, it must have been! She was still in bed in her nightgown. Her teeth were still minty fresh.

She sagged back down on the pillow and pondered the dream. It was rather disturbing. Disturbing because it had a ring of truth to it. She started to wonder: what other dreams was she taking for reality?

Note: sometimes I use creative writing as an emotional steam cleaning. It often helps cheer me up afterward. This is one of those times. Read the story with a grain of salt.

People wondered. He was always just a little bit off the beaten path. It was easier for him that way, but it sure made life hard in the end.

Most people got it in the winter. It might affect him then, but usually he was too busy for things to drag him down too low. No, winter was his up time.

The hard part was summer.

Lorne settled into his office chair and stared at the stack of papers he had to fill out. It was a good thing he had taken copious notes over the past six months undercover. Just too many details to keep track. And the brass wanted a detailed report of the entire operation.

There were regular interruptions from the guys passing by his office, and this didn't help him get any further on the paperwork. They were all happy to see him back. For that matter, he was happy to be back! He had been in some pretty tight spots this season. It was nice to relax again and see some friendly faces. Faces that could be trusted.

Trusted. Sometimes he wondered if the underworld had more of a sense of community than the straights. There had to be at least 50 guys stopping by his door over the past week. Some shaking his hand so hard his arm nearly came out of the socket. Some with hardy back slaps and truly warm grins.

But they were gone within five minutes without fail. Of course. They had work to do. Places to be. Perps to catch. Brass to polish.

Lorne didn't hold it against any of them. He'd do the same thing in their shoes, and had done it. But after three years in the undercover division, he could see the direction this was going, and he wasn't sure he was up to the challenge.

It took a certain breed to do undercover work. It helped if you had few ties. No family. Few friends. No kids. He was paid well for the work. Nobody wanted to do it. Well, almost nobody. He nearly did it for free. It energized him. It made him feel alive. Connected. The risk never seemed to enter his mind, and so far, the risks had never materialized in his world either.

That might not last.

He was okay with that. It was part of the job. Part of the call. Besides, if the job asked that much of him, who was he to refuse? Nobody else asked.

Lorne swivelled in his chair and looked out the window at the beautiful sunny day outside. The warmth soaked into him. It almost warmed his heart. A smile even spread across his face. Most of the work for past six months was in the dark. Undercover work was not a daylight profession. Just seeing the sun was a treat.

A sunlight of its own did exist, though. It was a different kind of trust. Police could work in the daylight. The underworld could not. And with that level of secrecy, there was a matching level of camaraderie that fueled the work. The worse things got, the better it felt. The smaller the loopholes, the tighter the knit.

Lorne couldn't deny it to himself, in his more honest moments. And he knew this was a dangerous sign. He should probably open up to the company shrink. He did, to some extent. But it scared him to even admit to himself how much of a brotherly bond there was between him and the crime boss he had just turned in. The feeling was there alright. Lorne missed him.

Not the crime. No, that was mostly disgusting.

The dark sunlight.

Yeah, that was it. A warmth from the very people who would kill him to preserve their own scrap of heat. A red flame of humanity flickering among the dried logs of crime he was there to erase.

Now that it was gone, the rest of the world seemed empty. Bright, yes. Sunny, yes. Friendly, yes. Easy, definitely. But he could hardly find that spark to get the old engine running in the morning.

It was probably exhaustion. It was time to get reacquainted with normal life. With daylight. It would take time. No need to push it. But in the meantime, the drag was there. The tank was empty.

Welcome to summer, boys.

I am still quite behind in my reading of the classics and have not read Pickwick yet, so I figured watching a DVD would give me a good bird's eye view.

The first 6 or 7 episodes were ok, but felt like an aimless rambling through the countryside, with Mr. Pickwick running into more and more troubles. At points, I was truly worried for Mr. Pickwick's well-being, since he didn't seem swift enough to protect himself from those who would take advantage of him.

But the last quarter of the series is where it really picks up. The apparent bumbling takes on new meaning as just the backdrop of normal life for a man who takes an interesting turn. His stubbornness yet kindhearted character are revealed in a stronger contrast than anyone expects, and a purpose to the man's life is shown, which was hidden in plain sight all along.

It also shows that even though the need may be huge, and the desire to help may be there, the resources to produce massive change may not be. But that is no excuse to stop giving. It merely constrains one's giving to those you have immediate access to.

It's a story of fun, foolishness, friendship, forgiveness, and family. If you have the time, grab it at your local library.

Thanks to Project Gutenberg this story, with some others, is available for free online. You can read the story here.

Enjoy!